end of an era

When you live in a place for twenty odd years you tend to accumulate stuff, even if you are a serious non-hoarder like myself. This last weekend we sorted, packed, trashed, stored and cleaned. We filled a skip and off loaded possessions left, right and centre. Our Melbourne house is now a shell. For three days we laboured, long and hard (with some help from the kids). Our stiff and sore bodies testament to all we achieved. I aspire to never wash another wall in my life. I did take the camera intending to record the momentous occasion but was far too busy to even take it out of the case. The significance of the event was also somewhat dwarfed by the tight time frame and the enormous amount to be done.

But done it is, well mostly. A gardener and handyman will continue in our absence and in a week or so we will return to finish what we began and then it will be handed over to an agent, ready for rent. We are not really sure how we feel. Our family home holds so many precious memories – the story of our lives and dreams lived out in these walls, two decades of love and joy and sometimes struggle and sorrow.

To be honest I never liked the house as such, we bought it because we could afford it not because we liked it and it was many, many years before we could begin to make changes so that it could feel like our own. And now at the end I feel a fondness for an ugly old friend that was slowly transformed over the years, a home that became a significant part of a beautiful life…

graduating

Number two is on her way. A couple of weeks ago, before travelling North to the Daintree, we flew South to Melbourne to attend Heidi’s University Graduation. It was a significant event, the culmination and celebration of four years of hard work.

Lets be honest, graduation ceremonies are boring. All those family and friends sitting through pomp and ceremony, boring speeches and an endless list of names being called out and black garbed students entering one side of the stage and exiting the other, just to hear your child’s name called out and see them walk across that stage and receive that bit of paper, all 15 seconds of it. And your heart swells with pride and your eyes get teary and it’s all worth it. Graduation says ‘it is done’, you have achieved and completed what you set out to do.

Heidi’s graduation coincided with her moving out of the family home in Melbourne, one significant event on top of another. It has been a joy to see and share her excitement in making a home of her own. We look forward to visiting her and Alex in their place, just as we do Zac and Jan. The small steps of childhood and adolescent independence have become leaps and bounds as our children have become adults in every sense of the word. Like most parents there is a tinge of sadness at the realisation of what has passed and what has been lost, along with that though is immense pride and joy at the most amazing young adults they have become. Parenting just keeps getting better, all those years of hard work paying off big time!

(the photo is not one of mine)

the daintree

Last year we started ticking things off my mother’s bucket list (going camping, watching the sun rise on the East Coast of Australia and riding a roller coaster). Spending the last few days in the Daintree Rainforest has seen her tick off another. Her desire to enjoy the rainforest birds and see a green tree frog were realised. Johanna wanted to see a crocodile (in the wild) and we were lucky enough to see that as well.

enjoying the view from Daintree Manor, our B and B

Tweety, the friendly resident at Daintree Manor

a misty, drizzly moment in the rainforest

The Rainforest captivated us with its unfamiliar plants and amazing wildlife, the mozzies the one exception. We learned about rainforest plants and trees and the vines that grow up them seeking light, the root systems of the mangroves and saw first hand the destruction caused by floods and recent cyclones. 

a green canopy above

wonderful muddy mangroves

taking a moment to enjoy a magical place

the colour green

We explored the Daintree River in a boat at dusk and saw birds and butterflies, bats and crocodiles and a green tree frog. A good many of the animals spotted were by torchlight, when it grew dark, the amazing eyes of our guide picking out minute specks far in the distance, including the jewel like sparkles of a multitude of brown spider eyes.

We couldn’t resist a couple of side trips to local beaches. Much to Colin’s dismay the beautiful coastline is for looking at not swimming in – stingers and crocodiles a successful deterrent. He and Johanna amused themselves on the beach tossing around a fallen coconut and swinging from a rope tied high on a palm tree. Colin did manage to find a safe swimming hole and got his water fix, it also happened to be a most picturesque spot.

coconut catch at Cow Bay

a rope hanging from a palm tree
is just asking to be swung on

Mason's Hole, Colin finally got his swim

Colin returned to Melbourne on Monday, Johanna, my mother and I had a couple of days in Cairns. We rode the Sky Rail and the Scenic Railway to and from Kuranda and took a ferry out to Fitzroy Island visiting the Turtle Rehabilitation Centre and looking at coral through a glass bottomed boat. (managing to keep mostly dry on a very grey and drizzly day) The ferry trip out proved to be ‘a bit rough,’ Johanna and I were glad to disembark, my mother was sad that the fun rocking and rolling was over and doubly sad when the trip home proved a whole lot smoother.

sugar cane country

an amazing train ride

turtle rehab

Best of all, we were all together and we had a lot of fun; mothers and daughters making memories.

a different kind of nothing

When you ask a kid “what are you doing?” and they say “nothing” you know it usually means something and most likely a something you will want to know about. On the other hand as an adult we can admit to doing nothing on either a lazy Sunday or a holiday. Doing nothing is allowed in small doses and when it has been earned. Doing nothing usually means doing something that is restful and relaxing, something different from our usual busyness. Spaces of doing ‘nothing’ are essential for our wellbeing.

At other times though doing ‘nothing’ is perceived as a negative thing. It is at odds with our ‘be busy’ culture. Busyness equals importance equals self esteem. Which is weird because much of our busyness is concerned with things that ultimately don’t matter, or nothing in other words. We are busy doing nothing! Yet how many of us will admit to that.

There is a different kind of doing ‘nothing’ though. Once we move beyond the doing nothing of a lazy Sunday or our well earned holiday, we enter a whole new world. Strange as it may sound, spaces of ‘nothing’ are scary. We don’t usually make or take the time to get to this point or to stay with it. As soon as we start to feel uncomfortable – bored and restless or our thoughts and feelings lead us to a place we don’t want to go we abandon the space of nothing and fill it with something. It is very hard to resist this. Television and the internet are an ever present distraction, if we went screen free for a few nights a week I wonder what would happen.

When we allow space for this kind of ‘nothing’ there is room for deeper and bigger things to surface; thoughts, feelings and memories, questions, dreams and desires. It can be downright confronting. Spaces of ‘nothing’ allow things that we keep in the dark an opportunity to seek some light. It takes courage to resist the urge to run or hide, busyness the easiest distraction.

At this particular point in my life I frequently find myself with spaces of ‘nothing.’ This long weekend has been a good example, Colin was emceeing the inaugural Australia Do lectures in the Victorian Highlands and Johanna was working each day. While Colin is routinely in Melbourne four days of the week and Johanna at school it felt strange to have three weekend days more or less on my own. I had things I needed to do and things I chose to do and things that were a distraction (like taking the photos above). I consciously tried to resist the temptation to fill all the spaces, which was a challenge because spaces of ‘nothing’ reminded me how lonely I felt at times, bored and sorry for myself and then guilty for feeling those things. This long weekend the spaces of ‘nothing’ have been uncomfortable but they have also kept me connected to my real self and encouraged me to understand and accept rather than to distract….

nothing and something

Spaces, pauses, gaps and silences; sometimes ‘nothing’ turns out to be ‘something’ and that something is fundamental and essential. Withoutspacesitishardtomakemeaningofthesewords. Without spaces it is hard to make meaning of life. There is of course physical space; there are things and the spaces between things. In fact there is more nothingness than somethingness in our universe. We don’t question the existence and fundamental importance of these spaces, they just are. But there’s a whole lot of other mirror spaces, other kinds of gaps, pauses and silences that exist. These too are fundamental and essential and we are similarly unaware of them. Conversation without spaces would just be noise, activity without pauses would be unsustainable and of course words without gaps are meaningless. In the same way, it seems to me, that a life lived without spaces, pauses, gaps and silences is in danger of becoming noisy, unsustainable and meaningless. Call these spaces what you will, prayer, reflection, meditation, fishing, surfing, bushwalking, painting, writing…. the list is endless and their importance under rated.

We live in a culture that admires busyness, activity and doing. Where things and the accumulation of things is paramount. Where power and position are defining. We need to be something, do something and have lots of something’s. Somewhere along the way we have forgotten about ‘nothing’, the spaces, gaps, pauses and silences that are fundamental and essential to all that something. Perhaps the ‘nothing’ is actually the real ‘something’ and all the things we thought were something are really nothing…

happy easter

I’ve heard the occasional local complain about the influx of tourists, “you can’t get a bloody car park.” We live right smack bang in the middle of it all – apartment block right by the sea, 20 metres from the main shopping strip and 30 metres from the foreshore. There is actually steady traffic along the esplanade and you have to weave and dodge your way walking on the footpath. The sandy beaches are littered with bodies and towels and boogie boards, the waterways with boats and jet skis and the green open spaces with shade huts, picnic blankets, tables and chairs. The weather has been glorious. They have come in their hundreds; Easter pilgrims to the sun and the surf. Once upon a time we would have counted ourselves among them, now we are so very fortunate to be one of the ‘locals’.

We aren’t complaining though. We love the energy that the crowds bring. Mostly people are relaxed and happy, spending time with their families and doing fun stuff. It creates a great vibe. Everything is relative though, peak tourist season in Caloundra feels pretty much like a normal day in Melbourne’s CBD.

This Easter we have joined the masses at the beaches, walking the foreshore paths, in the cafes, watching the local surf competition and wandering the markets. We have also headed inland and walked the Tunnel Track, getting a quick fix of all things ‘bush’.

There is something inherently relaxing and peaceful about immersing yourself in a natural environment. It is like taking a deep calming breath, a centering for your body and soul. We are happy to share the natural spaces and see people ‘fill up’ and we are also happy knowing that tomorrow the crowds will be gone and a relative calm will return…

a little bit of city

A few days in Tasmania and now a few days joining Colin in his Melbourne CBD apartment – rural exchanged for urban; brown earth for grey concrete, trees and mountains for bright lights and skyscrapers, cows and sheep for cars and trams, but here in the CBD there is also a bustling mass of humanity, a melting pot of people and a vibrant palpable energy. Not better or worse, just different; nice for a change .

Our time in Melbourne has been filled with

FAMILY – the joy of being together and the sorrow of knowing what we are forfeiting by living away. Eating, talking, catching up, making the most of the moments….

FRIENDS – keeping in touch and up to date, enjoying the company of those who are special to us

SHOPPING – tired legs and empty wallets and lists mostly crossed off

DRIZZLE – some typical Melbourne weather; dreary, grey drizzle

We are fortunate to also have a view from our 16th floor balcony here in Melbourne. The cityscape is interesting and the night lights compelling but the sea and sky in Caloundra are calling…