Tuesday, 17 June 2014

here and there

My body is in Caloundra but my head and heart are in Melbourne at the moment. There is so much happening back there and I feel stuck here (Johanna is about to go into mid-year exams). Next year we won’t have this dilemma, distance education will mean we can be where ever we feel the desire or need to be. But that doesn’t help things now. I wish I could be with Rachel as she makes decisions and navigates the next phase of her life. Within a week of her return from overseas she has been offered her old job back, found a new job as well and with Colin’s help a little studio apartment to live in directly opposite Heidi and Alex.
She is of course doing fine without me, but I miss not being involved. Heidi has moved into her own place and soon Rachel will too. I always imagined I’d be there to help out at significant times like these, to share important milestones. And I kind of have but not really. Our recent multiple trips back to Melbourne to prepare the house for leasing mean I have been around more than usual. Heidi sent us facebook updates complete with photos as she set up her very own kitchen for the first time and Rachel plans to send us photos from stores as she considers what she needs to furnish her apartment. But it is not the same.
Next year I will have more freedom and flexibility to move from one place to another, to follow my heart and to be there for each of my 4 children. They don’t ‘need’ me in the same way they used to, but there are times when having your family close by matters – in times of major decisions and change, in times of celebration and sadness, in times of difficulty and when you need a safe space and someone to lean on. Living in Caloundra has made such things more of a challenge, our commitment to them does not waver; the changes that 2015 will bring about should restore some of the imbalance. In the meantime we do the best we can…

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